Everywhere, we are confronted with the topic of relationships.
Now, at my age – the mid-twenties -
I am constantly aware or even subconsciously reminded of the topic:
RELATIONSHIPS. It is all around me. Girls who were recently teenagers are
suddenly getting married! Do you know how many times on my Facebook page
"so and so got engaged" appears? I have no choice but to confront myself with
the issue over and over again and again.
Yes, I'm very aware that I'm single. I would be, even if I did not have a Facebook
Often I have to answer questions about my relationship status, I have to justify
myself - justify why am I still alone. Friends and strangers ask me these questions,
as well as my own voice in my mind that I can hear very often asking me the same.
Well, it is a good question.
I hear things like, "maybe you're not ready - you're still young - your
expectations are too high – maybe you just haven’t met the Mr. RIGHT just yetmaybe
just try someone out- you have to commit yourself to a place - you have
relationship fears - You're just too much on the go – something is wrong with
It may be one of these, or maybe not.
Well I know of at least one reason why things are the way they are.
A few years ago I decided that from now on I would go about the issue of
So I said goodbye to the world of men and dating.
I wanted to start over.
I wanted a time where no man would constantly be buzzing around in my mind.
I wanted to be free and not lost in emotions. I wanted to see who I really am.
How should I be in a relationship without actually knowing who I am? How can
I love someone without having learned to accept myself? How should I forgive
someone when I can’t even forgive myself? How can I take care of someone if I
can’t even take care of myself?
So I made a deal with God. One year without a man, no meetings with guys- a
year without dating. I thought, okay I am working on myself for a year, get my life in order and then
God will certainly give me a man. Well, the ones who know me know that this
plan did not quite come true. Years later- I'm still single.
To be honest, every year the longing is getting bigger to find my other half. But
also my will is getting stronger to endure more and more, until I arrive and find
where I belong.
I have decided to no longer do halfhearted things. I will not trust the next best
guy with my heart. Not even if he is Mr. Amazing and able to quote Bible verses,
not even if he would give me the nicest compliments. There is more that counts! I
will not only be guided by my feelings or guided by my mind only.
I will be guided by God, the one who has access to my heart and mind.
And this sentence, is meant the way its written "I will wait another 8 years, if
I have to, I will not compromise, just to have a man by my side - just so that I
wouldn’t be alone.".
A partner can’t fulfill you. A partner can compliment you!
Yes, it is not always easy. I do struggle with tears, thoughts of hopelessness, envy
that gets me when I compare myself with others. For my own thinking, and what
I think would be good for me, is yet so limited.
Again and again I come at the end,
despite all doubts to the conclusion that my faith, and my heart are the safest in
the hands of my Creator.
The hands that have made my heart.
Again today I decide looking at all my frustrations, my fears and thoughts that
tell me that I would have to take control to let go.
It is my only hope that God will lead me to meet the man who one day will
become my husband. Oh yes, I'm looking forward to this day!
I tell you, this feast of joy is going to sound up to the heavens!
But until then, I have decided to not just to wait, no I take my life into my hands.
I do embrace the status SINGLE. I do not want to fall into the "if only" trap. If
only once I am in a relationship or married, my life will begin, no it starts today. I
want to learn to live in the NOW, and not to strive after the things - in a negative
sense – of what I lack. I want to rejoice greatly in what I have and where I am at
I put my trust, my hope in God. I know he sees me, He knows my heart and
although I often am in doubt, I do finally come again, and again to the same
conclusion; God is a good God and He is faithful. He will not forget me!
God also does not forget you. He knows your heart, He has created it. There is no
safe place for your heart but in His hands.
And He asks you if you would want to entrust it to Him.
Do You Want to?
Then give it to him. In Him you're safe!