B l o g / e n g l i s h

Relationships

8/6/2015

Everywhere, we are confronted with the topic of relationships.
Now, at my age – the mid-twenties -
I am constantly aware or even subconsciously reminded of the topic:
RELATIONSHIPS. It is all around me. Girls who were recently teenagers are
suddenly getting married! Do you know how many times on my Facebook page
"so and so got engaged" appears? I have no choice but to confront myself with
the issue over and over again and again.

Yes, I'm very aware that I'm single. I would be, even if I did not have a Facebook
account.

Often I have to answer questions about my relationship status, I have to justify
myself - justify why am I still alone. Friends and strangers ask me these questions,
as well as my own voice in my mind that I can hear very often asking me the same.
Well, it is a good question.

I hear things like, "maybe you're not ready - you're still young - your
expectations are too high – maybe you just haven’t met the Mr. RIGHT just yetmaybe
just try someone out- you have to commit yourself to a place - you have
relationship fears - You're just too much on the go – something is wrong with
you. "
It may be one of these, or maybe not.
Well I know of at least one reason why things are the way they are.

Decisions.
A few years ago I decided that from now on I would go about the issue of
relationships differently.
So I said goodbye to the world of men and dating.

I wanted to start over.
I wanted a time where no man would constantly be buzzing around in my mind.
I wanted to be free and not lost in emotions. I wanted to see who I really am.
How should I be in a relationship without actually knowing who I am? How can
I love someone without having learned to accept myself? How should I forgive
someone when I can’t even forgive myself? How can I take care of someone if I
can’t even take care of myself?

So I made a deal with God. One year without a man, no meetings with guys- a
year without dating. I thought, okay I am working on myself for a year, get my life in order and then
God will certainly give me a man. Well, the ones who know me know that this
plan did not quite come true. Years later- I'm still single.
To be honest, every year the longing is getting bigger to find my other half. But
also my will is getting stronger to endure more and more, until I arrive and find
where I belong.

I have decided to no longer do halfhearted things. I will not trust the next best
guy with my heart. Not even if he is Mr. Amazing and able to quote Bible verses,
not even if he would give me the nicest compliments. There is more that counts! I
will not only be guided by my feelings or guided by my mind only.
I will be guided by God, the one who has access to my heart and mind.
And this sentence, is meant the way its written "I will wait another 8 years, if
I have to, I will not compromise, just to have a man by my side - just so that I
wouldn’t be alone.".

A partner can’t fulfill you. A partner can compliment you!

Yes, it is not always easy. I do struggle with tears, thoughts of hopelessness, envy
that gets me when I compare myself with others. For my own thinking, and what
I think would be good for me, is yet so limited.
Again and again I come at the end,
despite all doubts to the conclusion that my faith, and my heart are the safest in
the hands of my Creator.
The hands that have made my heart.
Again today I decide looking at all my frustrations, my fears and thoughts that
tell me that I would have to take control to let go.
It is my only hope that God will lead me to meet the man who one day will
become my husband. Oh yes, I'm looking forward to this day!

I tell you, this feast of joy is going to sound up to the heavens!

But until then, I have decided to not just to wait, no I take my life into my hands.
I do embrace the status SINGLE. I do not want to fall into the "if only" trap. If
only once I am in a relationship or married, my life will begin, no it starts today. I
want to learn to live in the NOW, and not to strive after the things - in a negative
sense – of what I lack. I want to rejoice greatly in what I have and where I am at
NOW.
I put my trust, my hope in God. I know he sees me, He knows my heart and
although I often am in doubt, I do finally come again, and again to the same
conclusion; God is a good God and He is faithful. He will not forget me!

God also does not forget you. He knows your heart, He has created it. There is no
safe place for your heart but in His hands.

And He asks you if you would want to entrust it to Him.

Do You Want to?

Then give it to him. In Him you're safe!

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Unique!

5/5/2015

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There is no one in the world who is like YOU.

No one has your eyes.
No one has your hair. No one has your nose.
No one has your lips.
No one has your fingerprint.

No one is like YOU!

No one can replace you!
Someone can copy you, but someone can be you. Just as you can't be anyone else, you also can only be a copy of someone.

But why do you prefer to be a copy if you can be the original?

The world, the people around you, they need YOU!

The two most important days of your life are the day you were born, and the day you find out why you're alive!

How often do we stroll lost without really experiencing life?
How often we do not know or remember what our job is, what our place is here in this world? So often we doubt our self-worth and our abilities.
We become confused and dissatisfied with who and how we are.
We compare. The thing with comparison is that you will always find someone who is better, nicer, smarter faster, stronger, richer, etc.
You'll always find someone who is worse off where you rank better. No matter what perspective you accept either can be unhealthy, especially when your comparisons lead to envy or self-pity.

So many times have I asked myself why I'm here in the world, what the meaning of my life is. Many years my life did not make sense to me. I went through hard times in the early years, there were many moments in my life where I no longer believed my life was worth living. At times in my life, I have had no hope. I experienced a lot of suffering - my body still bears the scars. I hated my life not understanding what was happening to me. Life was too heavy for me, I did not know before, I did not know back then.
For years, I knew "when" I was born, but I could not answer the "why" I'm here in the world. For years I saw a tiny light at the end of the road, but it felt like I would never make it there.
In my heart I prayed to God weeping bitterly, sometimes screaming with rage for Him to help me. Despite all of this, I knew deep in my heart that life holds more than what I already knew. Inside of me was always a little bit of hope that one day everything would be different.

I came out of the darkness into the light.
God has not changed all my circumstances in one day - but He has carried me through. Every day is new. His help was different than what I imagined it to be like. It was a process of years and is still ongoing. Even if I do not have all the answers to my questions or understand why some things have happened in my life I now have peace. God has given me peace that He is in control and watches over my life. Today I know why I am in this world. If I had to experience all of this to be able to understand and help even one person, it was all worth it. It is possible to get out of the vicious cycle of depression, self-hatred and injury!

Do you know why you are alive?

Today, I can say from the bottom of the heart that I love my life. I still have challenges, experience painful moments, and injuries but my heart has begun to live again, to beat, to dream. Today I am just so full of life!

Just as our appearance and our personalities are different, our stories are alsounique.

We all have our own history.
You have yours, and I have mine.
There is no better and no worse story.

Your story does not end where you are today, you can start writing your own story. You can decide what circumstances to live under. You can start today, thinking new ideas about yourself, accept yourself. You can start taking new steps, venture into new things that will bring you to new shores. You can start today with one chapter in your life complete, and a new chapter beginning.

Will you accept the invitation from God and allow Him to make history?

Unique - YOU are beautifully made. Your life story is unique!

Unique - that is you!

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Show me your friends and I will tell you who you are!

4/29/2015

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We are created for community.

We need people around us who take care of us, love us, criticize us, and push us so that we would grow beyond ourselves.

There are relationships that we can’t pick and choose, for example your biological parents. They will always be your parents if you want it or not. Your boss, colleagues, the principal of the university, are all people you can’t really choose. You "have to" live with them, unless you change your job or club every single time you don’t like a person.

The foundation of friendship is freedom. You have the freedom to choose people to share your hobbies, your dreams, worries and your life with. You can decide for yourself with whom you want to build a community around you. You can decide whom you want to consider as your friend, who you want to actually CALL your friend.

I want to ask you some questions about your friendships, the people you share not just your time, but also your life with.

What does the community look like which you have built around you?

How do you spend your time together?

What does friendship mean to you?

What, for you, defines a real friendship? How do you identify it as such?

Are there only superficial conversations in which you only talk big, party through the weekends, and go out into town? However, when it comes to the day to day, the everyday life you have no foundation to be real?

Are your friendships healthy and good for you?

Do you have friends with whom you can honestly share about what is going on in your life, the deep things, the honest heart to heart?

Can you be real and think out loud in front of your friends?

Do you have to earn their approval or preform to be recognized?

Do the people you call friends lift you up, or are you afraid that your "friends" talk bad about you as soon as you leave the room?

We should never stop asking ourselves questions like these. Because we are taking on words, values, gestures, ways of life of the people with whom we spend a lot of time, often subconsciously.

If your environment swears a lot, talks lewdly, lies, blasphemes, it affects you.

If your friends stand up for other people, to take care of other people, it affects you.
If a friend is constantly depressed and negative, it will also affect you in the long run.
When a friend is hopeful and goes through life joyfully, it will affect your perspective.

All this does affect you, because you usually spend a lot of time with these people, and these people called friends, do have some authority in your life, they do speak into your life – and it can be good and- or bad.

So, who continues to shape whom? Do you shape them or they you?

If you're thinking right now that you are alone and have no friends, I want to tell you that God has not forgotten you. Everything can change. Everything will change if you have faith, and do the things that are in your power, and entrust the rest to God so that He will and can take care!

A few years ago, I had no friends, no real friends. I often wept bitterly because I wished for a friend that would be close to my heart, someone who would walk and dance through life with me. A friend who would simply accept me, one I could laugh and cry with. I can still remember the many times I did lay in my bed and prayed to God that he would please give me a female friend.

A real friend.

A best friend.

A bosom friend.

This friend was not in my life ‘via the push of a button’, what we so often expect when we pray. But God knows better, he knows what we need and when we need it. He often wants to teach us in times like these lessons we can draw from for a lifetime. I've learned to watch people around me more closely. Who are actually the people around me? How do they talk? What values do they live out and live for? What kind of a lifestyle do they live? What does spending time with those people make me feel while I am with them? How do I feel when I get home after spending time with them?

After I had to ask myself some of these questions honestly, I did make the decision to end, or allow to let, some my few friendships terminate. I started to realize for myself that some people are just not good for me. Then I stood there quite alone. I was left with many ‘acquaintances’, but no real friends that I could call if I really needed someone.

Do you know this feeling? Do you know what I am talking about?

Maybe you have known deep in your heart that the people you surround yourself with, whom you call friends, are basically no real friends. That you actually would want other people around you –that there is a longing in you, for something else and that you define friendship differently than they do. Maybe you think you'll never get away from this group of friends. You have thoughts like "I will never find friends, I have been in my old environment too long, I will never get to know new people, etc." - Then I want to encourage you- step out and do three things.

First, be brave, talk to God and tell him that you long for true friends, that he should bring people in your life. And then stay patient, keep in mind firmly that God is a faithful God, and He wants your best.

Second, be active. Think about what kinds of things inspire you, what you do well - become creative - take a course, do sports, start a new hobby, or an old one which you have given up for some reason many years ago. Become part of a sports club, youth group, home group, community - something that you enjoy!

And third, make conscious, wise decisions. I had to learn to say "No" and I am still learning. There are days I can do certain things with friends that have a different worldview, but it might be the next week where they would do the same but I can’t. What does that mean? And how can this be?

Now, on some days, I am not in a great “shape” or call it condition. For example, I love to go out and dance in a club. But before I go there, I need to know that my heart is actually in good condition. I have to question myself about what my motives are. If I simply want to dance in a setting that is healthy, then I can go. But if I already struggle with inferiority, long for recognition of men, or am in a state of frustration that I am single, then there are certain people I should not go out with. For one thing, I would not dance with pure motives. I would not dance for myself, but for the men around me who look at me with hungry eyes. Secondly, I have friends who think it is totally cool and good to do so. They would even encourage me in it, saying, "Hey, there is nothing bad about it. You just long for someone, so what's the big deal. Just try to simply have fun..." I know that for myself this would encourage me, cheer me on to do things that if I would act on them, I would regret afterwards. And I know it might be just a few of these words- if I don’t stand firm and am struggling already, it would lead me off my path easily.

I need friends who really know me and know who I really am.

I have friends who have called me back, took me aside and asked, "What are you doing? Why are you talking like that? Why are you acting like this? Why are you flirting with this guy that you really do not want? " These friends call me back, help me remember who I am and of the things that I desire- that I actually would want to be a woman who knows where she belongs and acts according to that.

I have friends with whom I do enjoy certain things in life, and only share certain things, but I also have friends with whom I could share everything, and could be anywhere in the world, and would know that I am safe ... Why? Because they know who I am, what my values and goals in life are. And they remind me to stay on this journey and if I forget or even rebel against it.

Gradually, people have come into my life, that have made my life so much more livable and colorful. Today I have a lot of friends – female friends – that I can now call myself "rich". There are friendships, which last beyond, misunderstandings, disputes, oceans, and time zones.

I have friends where I can simply be myself, laugh, cry, scream, and let go. Where I also must be real! At times it is hard, disappointing, and it hurts. These friendships often challenge me and cost me something. For everything that is precious- has its price. And the price I pay is to be vulnerable, trust anew, ask for forgiveness and forgive again, and fight for my friends.

Today I can say that I am "rich" on friendships!

I wish for you friends like this!

Friends that influence your life, in ways so that you can grow into the person you are meant and created to be!

God is faithful. He hears yours and my prayers. He does set the sky in motion when we call out to him.

No matter how young or old you are, no matter what your life looks like, you and I, we need friends who believe in us. Remind us who we are, when we forget it because life isn’t always good to us. People, who hold us up when we are tired, cheer us on when we want to give up on. Friends, who remind us of our dreams and goals, when we are lost.

I can say, in my opinion, there is much truth to the saying "Show me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are".

Choose your friendships wisely.
Choose people, who are good for you, who pick you up, hold you, lift you up, and truly stand with you.

Be a friend to people around you. Invest in those who are around you by spending time with them and listening.

Which "friendship" should you reconsider or maybe quit?

Is there anyone you wanted to call or contact for maybe weeks, months, or even years again?

To whom can you be a friend today?

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HOW DO YOU THINK ABOUT LOVE?

4/21/2015

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Well yes, it does sound super cheesy, but ‘it is what it is’.

The love between man and woman is a subject about which there are countless books, songs, movies and stories written on! And yet we have not figured out how to see ‘through’ this love to this present day.

Love is so complex, so special, so unique.

We long for this love story that takes your breath away. This love that gives you wings, inspires you and can take you to another level. This one special relationship that stands out from all others. The love that holds together in good and bad times. A love where you can be genuine and free. A love that forgives that is faithful and without condition.
You have to look closely to actually find such love relationships. We want to be loved right now, we do not want to be alone or lonely, so often we give ourselves away to a cheap imitation of love.

Unhealthy, manipulative, controlling relationships are entered into, great compromises take place, dreams are abandoned and values are thrown overboard.

We all do have an idea of love, our own definition.

Our definition and ideas come from our own experiences, they depend on the kind of family we grew up in, what our parents taught us, what opinions we have inherited from other people and what our own opinions are.

Are your parents still happily married today, and show you that there is this love that holds together?

Are your parents separated and you can still remember the moment when your family broke apart, as well as your heart?

Have you been lied to and betrayed in relationships?

And did you swear to yourself that you would never want to feel your own heart and "this love" again?

Do you long so for this love, so that you remove all limits for yourself to get this love?

All of those things have a big impact on the perspective of how you think about love and if you believe in love or not.

Which experiences, opinions, values have built your definition of love?

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Expectations

It is good to have expectations.

Many women want a "real" man, but aren’t even "real" women. Or the other way around: men want a virtuous woman, but surround themselves with women who are anything but virtuous or not even treat women very virtuously.

How many times have we had expectations towards others that we can’t even meet ourselves? I do want to meet the expectations I put on my future husband myself. And yes, I am failing again and again, but my will and desire is to live today as if I would be with a partner! I do decide daily to be faithful to my future husband already today!

I used to think- one day this handsome and strong man comes to my rescue. No man can save me or rescue me. No man must save me. One day, I can’t say exactly when it actually was, I realized that I have to start NOW to work on myself, me as a woman. Work on my character, behavior, words, life, relationships, and the issues of my past.

For why would I want a "Prince", a heroic man to take me if I still live in the middle of chaos? Why should he? Is this attractive to a man? To be completely broken and confused, and not knowing who I am? How can I ask for a man with a certain character and lifestyle, but I myself do not even live it?!

Why should I get involved with a man who can’t keep his eyes off of any women. One who flirts, goes out or gets intimate with every women he gets the chance with?

Why should a man find a woman attractive that throws herself at every man, hungry for love and approval?

Both might think in their heart, I'll do it only until I meet THE one.

The right ONE, the true ‘love’. But from my perspective, I would not place either the woman or the man into the category of "the right person".

I keep telling myself, if a man does not have himself under control before a relationship, why would he all of a suddenly in a relationship, with me on his side, be different?

For a long time I had a twisted view of love.

It is still a process, but it is never too late to start afresh. I am very grateful to God that nothing is too hard for him, and it is never too late. He does show what it means to love again, just as He loves us. And he wants to show you, if you want to see! He shows us his concept of love.

He has blessed me with parents who, since I can remember, have showed me what it means to love one another. I am grateful to have friends who have given themselves a promise to love each other until death does part them. I am grateful for these models around me in my life. I see their challenges, but I also see their successes!

And I see and know that if one builds his love story in God, the one who is the founder and creator of love and people, nothing is impossible.

Do you want to put your life in terms of love and relationship on a new foundation?

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W O R D S

4/6/2015

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I words I

Each day we hear many words. Words from people we know very well, hardly or not at all. These words can be positive or negative but whether they are good or bad, they trigger in us something. Words can bring joy, fear, worry, sadness, pain, etc. We must daily decide what words we will say, this process happens within seconds, and is mostly unconscious.

Words have power. Words can speak life and death. Words are full of power, but most of the time we are unaware of it.

Bullying. Rumors. Character assassination. Ladies, we gossip, and we love it. Gossip, we find it anywhere on the playground, at the university, at work, on FB, and also in the community. We talk about what's happening at our neighbors, the friend of ours that couldn't be here tonight, the relationship crisis of Nadine and Tim. We make fun of others, put others in a negative light, we talk and talk.
We talk as we reflect, it's just talking right? Wrong.

I talk too much, too much about others, even though I know all too well what words can do. Maybe your schooling is a few years behind you, maybe you're right in the middle of it now - for me it is not too long ago. As I think of examples the power of words throughout my life, there is no shortage. I have been pretty well acquainted with bullying. It was many years my faithful companion. I was the recipient of bullying, for years I was a constant topic of conversation, hearing again and again ugly, nasty and humiliating words about me.

I was not always the victim, but I was often enough and for long enough. At some point I realized that I became my own victim. I started to believe the things people said about me. Their voices were so loud, so strong, and often there more than own voice dictating my identity. I did not know what voice to believe. There was always a very quiet voice that was the opposite of what I was believing.

A gentle voice that told me "I am with you. I'm here for you. I see you. You're beautiful. You have a wrong, twisted picture of who you are. I have created you wonderful. I know the truth. "
The still, small voice - the voice of God. The voice of truth. Those words had power over me, in such a good way.

For a long time, the other voices drowned out His voice. I started to believe the lies. I accepted the words of others for a long time and suddenly they were also my own words. I began to condemn myself. Harsh words. Ugly words. I started to judge and pronounce harsh judgments over myself and others. Sometimes out loud, sometimes quiet, but mostly in my heart.

I have worked hard to change my thoughts as I care about other people, to change my words that I say about others. I will not be bitter because people have hurt me. I do not want to be a woman that intentionally hurts others by her words. I want to think good thoughts about other people, I want to speak in truth and love. And when I talk about someone else, I want to talk as if the person I'm talking about is standing right next to me!

It is a decision.
It is a process.
It is a life's work.

Let us be women and men who do not gossip. Let us not spread lies and rumors. Let us not instigate dispute and uncertainty through our words. Let us be people who celebrate other people - their beauty and success. Let's speak out words of love, truth and wisdom.

You actually what authority you have in your words and deeds. You can destroy other people, or you can build. You have a God-given authority, and you can use in the right way or take advantage of it.

What words will you say today?

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Relationships

Unique!

Show me your friends and I will tell you who you are!

HOW DO YOU THINK ABOUT LOVE?

W O R D S

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